My Very Good, Very Bad Dog Read online

  Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed an employee standing in front of a Michael’s craft store. He looked at the dogs, looked at me, and then did a double take. Then he took off after the dogs, running diagonally to them, and stopping them just as they were about to cross a busy road and careen into another parking lot filled with more cars.

  I slowed down to catch my breath as I saw he had the dogs under control. Then a new thought sprang to mind: How the heck was I going to get the metal table back to the restaurant while controlling two large dogs? Should I leave the table? Tie the dogs to something stationary at the coffee shop and come back for the table? Could I even carry it after running so fast? Or should I take Zoe and Tyler home and bring my car for the table?

  By the time I walked up to David (my hero) and the dogs, he had untangled them. The table was up on one of his shoulders. I thanked him while he passed Zoe and Tyler’s leashes to me and marched off to the restaurant like it was an everyday occurrence to rescue a damsel in distress from renegade dogs and a fiercesome table. He was a godsend.

  By the time Tyler, Zoe, and I got back to the coffee shop, David had just finished reestablishing order to the outside dining area. It looked as if nothing had ever happened. I can’t remember ever being so grateful for a stranger’s help, and I profusely thanked my Good Samaritan.

  But it didn’t seem enough. I wanted to show him my gratitude with more than just words; I wanted to give him something that was heartfelt. Cooking is something I do from the heart, and my apple pie is a favorite among friends and family.

  So, I went home and made David an apple pie. It was still hot when I took it to the store just before he got off work. Months later, I was in Michael’s and saw David. I repeated my thanks for his help, which he kindly brushed off. However, he thanked me for the apple pie, saying it was the best he had ever eaten.

  By the way, from that point on, Tyler and Zoe were always tied to a stationary object, such as a lamppost, when we went to the coffee shop.

  ~Ann Denise Karson

  Bedtime with The Moose

  Fun fact: Dogs make great heating pads because their normal body temperature is higher than that of humans — around 101 degrees Fahrenheit.

  Walter Liddy aka “The Big Guy” aka “The Moose” is a four-year-old Mastiff–Presa Canaria mix. He is a big boy, solidly built, but under the mistaken impression that he is a member of the teacup variety. Walter was found wandering alone on the streets of New Bedford, starving, frightened and covered in mange. Like most rescues, this dog flourished with love and kindness, shedding both his fear and his patchy skin to become a solid member of our family. Technically, “The Big Guy” belongs to Brigid, our oldest daughter, who adopted him from a local rescue, but he’s a frequent flyer here at home base. He is our pet by proxy.

  Walter Liddy is like many spoiled family pets. He begs for food (and usually gets it), makes himself comfortable on the furniture at the expense of one or more of his humans and is generally overindulged at every turn, but it is his bedtime ritual that makes this gentle giant unique.

  Brigid had briefly described his new behavior to me. “Walter likes to sleep under the covers,” she explained. Big deal, I thought, but I didn’t fully comprehend Walter’s ritual until I experienced it myself one night last winter. Walter woke me from a sound sleep around 2:00 a.m. by standing on my side of the bed and looking at me intently through the darkness. My husband was asleep next to me. Walter let out a grunt, waited and grunted again. He was obviously trying to tell me something.

  “Do you want to go out?” I asked with a bit of annoyance, wondering why he wasn’t asking his “mother.” Walter didn’t budge. Nope, that wasn’t it. Then I recalled Brigid’s words earlier. I lifted the blankets, and Walter immediately hopped up and dove under layers of bedding: sheets, blankets, and comforter — the works.

  He slid his humongous carcass down to the foot of the bed, made a half-turn, plopped down, stretched out and promptly fell asleep. It was like having a third person in bed with us. I couldn’t believe it. “How can he breathe?” I wondered, as I tried to get comfortable again with no luck.

  After that, it was a done deal. Night after night, this crazy dog roamed from room to room, bed to bed, squeezing in with a different family member every night. The routine was always the same: Walter Liddy didn’t want to sleep on the bed with his people; he wanted to sleep under the covers, DEEP under the covers. And once situated, he would remain there until morning, immovable as an oak tree.

  One night, I heard The Moose get off the couch and walk to the girls’ room. I heard a loud thud in the dark as he attempted to use his huge cranium like a battering ram, but someone had inadvertently shut the door, preventing him from entering. I got out of bed and quietly opened the door for Walter to go in. As I stood there in the dark hallway, I knew exactly what this determined canine was doing. He stood next to the bed. He grunted and then waited, expecting the occupant to lift the covers and invite him to crawl in. That night, it happened to be his auntie Barbara, our youngest daughter. When Barbara didn’t respond, Walter gave another deep grunt, as if asking, “What’s the hold-up?” Now half-awake, Barbara groaned and said, “Oh, you gotta be kidding me.” There was a pause and then, “Walter, come on, get up. Uppee, Walter, uppee!” His collar jingled as he jumped up, and Barbara sighed, “Now go to sleep.” I heard the rustle of bedding, a deep satisfied canine groan, and then silence.

  I peeked into the darkened room and saw he was completely gone, all one-hundred-plus pounds of him. Walter was nothing more than a slight bump in the bed linens. He had ignored all the extra mattress space available on the bed and was stretched out flat against Barbara, stuck to her like a pilot fish to a shark. She had gone back to sleep as if this was the most normal thing in the world, and for some reason that struck my funny bone. I began to laugh so hard I was crying. The thought that this dog had trained his family to do his bidding, in the middle of the night, with a grunt or two, was hysterical. I was just catching my breath when I heard his tail go THUMP, THUMP, THUMP under the blankets. From his cocoon, The Big Guy was responding to my laughter. He was happy and content with the world, his wagging tail said. It was a small but profound thing, and it touched my heart. I whispered a silent prayer to heaven that every animal could know such love and security. If I live to be a hundred I’ll never forget this silly, affectionate boy and the quirky, crazy habits that make him so precious.

  ~Liz Lombard

  Hungry Like a Wolf

  Fun fact: Australian Shepherds, unlike Australian Cattle Dogs, aren’t actually Australian; the breed was developed in the United States.

  My husband Michael has the equivalent of a preschool education when it comes to food preparation. He knows the basics, like how to spread Nutella on rye. His food pairings are imaginative and desperate. He shouldn’t be in the kitchen in the same way a color-blind person shouldn’t be an art director of a fashion magazine.

  Michael does know his way around a refrigerator filled with leftovers though. The key to his survival has always been his prowess at warming up said leftovers in the microwave.

  This brings me to the most sacred day of leftovers: Yom Kippur, the holiest day of the year for Jewish people. Many non-Jewish people know it as the annual Jewish observance of fasting. The fast begins at sundown on the night known as Kol Nidre and continues to sunset the next day. There is always an extravagant feast on Kol Nidre before sunset to hold everyone over for twenty-four hours of starvation.

  I love all the Jewish holidays because my mother-in-law does the cooking. The agreement we have is that I set the table and she provides the food. This has served us well through the years, and was negotiated on a table napkin one year after an especially challenging cooking experience. As part of the deal, I even get to keep the leftovers.

  Notwithstanding the Jewish holiday contract, I am still entrusted with the care and feeding of the entire family and that includes taking care of our Australian Shepherd, Slugger Free Sp
irit Red Sox Koenig, who does not participate in the Yom Kippur fast.

  Slugger is a purebred Aussie, a stunning red merle with a soft coat in shades of white, tan and reddish brown. Unfortunately, as Slugger has aged, he has developed a throat condition. He often gags as if something is caught there. So one September, around the time of Yom Kippur, I tried changing his food from dry pellets to wet food. I hoped it would be less harsh on his throat. So it wouldn’t be wasted, I spooned his uneaten moist food into a plastic container and put it in the refrigerator.

  As she does every year, that Kol Nidre my mother-in-law brought a complete holiday dinner to my house. We rushed through eating so we could get to temple in time for the evening service. We stuffed chopped liver, brisket, and noodle pudding into plastic containers to be eaten the next day when we would break the fast on Yom Kippur.

  That year, as he does each year, Michael fasted the entire day. His ritual is to break the fast at exactly 5:00 p.m., even if the sun has not set. He is fond of saying “It’s always sundown somewhere in the world.”

  While Michael struggled through the last half-hour of his fast, I took Slugger for a walk. When I returned home twenty minutes later, I saw that Michael had pulled a container of leftovers out of the refrigerator. The top was removed from the container and placed next to a box of crackers on the center island in the kitchen. Dry, beige crumbs littered a blue disposable plate. A dirty knife rested on the black granite countertop.

  How nice, I thought. Michael has helped himself to some chopped liver.

  “How are you doing?” I asked.

  No response. He pointed to a mouth full of food.

  Michael had moved on from the appetizer portion of the evening to a warmed plate of beef brisket and kugel, which are egg noodles baked in soft cheese and sugar. He was watching a movie with a TV tray in our family room.

  I picked up the plastic container to put it back into the refrigerator, but something didn’t look right. I took a closer look at the contents. I showed it to Slugger, who raised his nose into the air. Sniff, sniff, and sniff. He licked his chops.

  I sniffed the contents, too. I imagined what Slugger must be thinking, “Why is Michael eating my food?”

  “Yeah, that’s what I’m wondering, too,” I said aloud. “But thanks for sharing. You’re a good dog.”

  I wasn’t sure what to do next. Should I tell Michael that he had just broken his holiday fast with dog food? Or should I call all the family members on my contact list and tell them the story? After a twenty-four-hour fast, some entertainment is needed.

  “What do you think, Slugger?” I said. “Call the relatives? Post the story on Facebook?”

  Slugger cocked his head to the side.

  “That’s what I thought. You’re such a bad dog.”

  I looked at Michael happily enjoying the rest of his dinner. I decided that if the dog food was good enough for Slugger, then it was good enough for my husband. I spooned the rest into Slugger’s bowl, grabbed my cell phone and called anyone who would answer the phone. Like food, this was a story best served fresh.

  ~Tina Koenig

  Top Dog

  Fun fact: July is National Doghouse Repair Month.

  “Come on, boy. That’s right, go inside,” I said to my new puppy after buying him a doghouse. My eight-week-old puppy, Strider, was apparently afraid of his doghouse. I didn’t understand it. Most of the dogs we had growing up didn’t have doghouses; they slept outside or sometimes inside the house, but what dog wouldn’t want its very own house? Every day I would come home from work, collect my bag of treats, and go to the back yard to train little Strider to go inside his doghouse. I offered him treats, but he would just look at me like I was out of my mind. I put the treats inside his doghouse, but he just turned his head away from me.

  After weeks of not getting anywhere, I decided I would crawl into the doghouse myself, along with the treats, to show him that it was safe. He ended up running away while I struggled to get out. I persevered in spite of that unfortunate setback. “Come on, boy, it’s dinnertime,” I said sweetly, placing his dog dish inside the doghouse. Strider sat down about six feet away, nose in the air, and gave me the most pitiful look he could muster. I sat down on the swing and decided I would wait. This was going to work for sure.

  Two hours later, Strider still lay six feet away from the doghouse, looking at his food. I, too, sat there, staring at his food. “I give up!” I said sternly as I threw up my hands and walked over to his doghouse. I picked up his dish, set it just in front of the house, and stood up to look at Strider. He barked at me and stayed where he was. I said to Strider, “Who is training who here?” I gave in and put the dish closer to him and a little farther away from his house. To be fair, he met me halfway.

  The next day, I started over. First, I tried his treats to no avail, so I set them on top of his doghouse and went inside to get his dinner. As I came to the door, I saw him jump up on the roof and stick his head in the treat bag! I was a little miffed, but I had to admit it was a pretty cute thing to see. I put on my stern face and swung open the door, yelling, “Bad dog! Get off of there right now!” He jumped down, still gripping the bag with his teeth, and I proceeded to chase him around the yard to win back the bag of treats. Eventually, I got the bag away from him and figured that was enough training for one day.

  Before going to bed, I decided to check on him. I took a quick look out the window like I did every night. I had to do a double take because he was asleep, quite comfortably I might add, on top of his doghouse! I couldn’t help but laugh. I’d never known a dog afraid of a doghouse, let alone one that slept on top of one! I was so tickled that I couldn’t help but gaze out the window at him for a few more minutes before going off to bed.

  Months passed, and I finally managed to get Strider to retrieve his treat from inside the doghouse. He wouldn’t eat it inside, but he would quickly run in, grab it, and run right out. It was frustrating, but entertaining to watch. A few more months went by. One day, I put his dog dish inside the doghouse, and as I was heading back inside, I turned around and saw that Strider had gone inside the doghouse and was eating his food in there. “Yay, Strider, good boy!”

  That night, I looked out the window, sure that I had finally gotten him comfortable enough to sleep in his doghouse. I pulled away the curtain and there lay Strider — on top of his house. I went to bed in a huff. Almost a year, and poor little Strider would only go in his house to get food or treats.

  Finally, I decided enough was enough, and I left Strider to whatever sleeping arrangements he chose. For another year, Strider chose to sleep on top of the doghouse, but he was growing into a pretty big dog, and he found it harder and harder to balance himself on the roof. Even so, I stopped trying to get him in his house and started focusing on other, more useful commands.

  One day, we got another dog. Lady didn’t mind the doghouse at all. Her first time in the yard, she went right in. Strider barked at Lady, lying inside his house. I called them over to have dinner. Lady ran out of the doghouse, and Strider ran right in. He was finally lying in his house, and he wasn’t coming out any time soon!

  ~Christina Eichstedt

  A Tail-Raising Tale

  Fun fact: Many commercial products are now available that do a better job of “deskunking” dogs than the traditional tomato-juice bath.

  My heart melted when I met him. Scooping up the light-as-a-feather puppy, I held him nose-to-nose. The tiniest pink tongue flicked out and graced the tip of my nose with a moist kiss.

  Convinced this teeny brown pup was part Chihuahua, I named him Pancho and slipped him into my coat pocket. But he morphed — in size and attitude. He was fearless, and his reckless abandon often landed him smack-dab in the middle of trouble.

  Overnight camping trips particularly brought out Pancho’s wild side. He would rocket out of the car with excitement when we arrived at our campsite. One time, he leaped out the open window the moment we arrived. I lost him in the nearby meadow, but
occasionally I’d see him hopping up and down like a jackrabbit. As I set up camp, and then fished, my eyes scanned the valley for signs of my wayward friend. It was growing late — too late. I bit my lip. Time to go into tracking mode.

  Halfway across the meadow stood a gnarled climbing tree, so up I went. Perched out on a limb, I gently rocked my body back and forth to allow my eyes to catch movement in the twilight. What kind of trouble was Pancho in this time?

  A-ha! There he was, leap-frogging near some boulders. I licked two fingers and whistled his call. His head swiveled toward me — but only for a second. His nose went straight up in the air. He rotated his body and then dashed into the thicket, hot on the trail of a great sniff.

  Scraping both hands, I bumped down the tree. “Get back here!” I yelled.

  He didn’t.

  I charged into the deepening shadows of pines and aspens, but I couldn’t see well enough in the twilight to realize something was amiss.

  Then it hit me. I sniffed again, and realized exactly where Pancho must be. And there he was, legs planted far apart, glaring at a small black-and-white animal.

  “Pancho,” I whispered. “That’s not a cat. Come.”

  He didn’t.

  The skunk, on the other hand, did move. His beady black eyes stared straight at the dog, ignoring me completely. He arched his back and hissed, tiny sharp teeth showing white against his black face.

  I took one step back and also hissed. “Pancho, back away now.”

  He didn’t.

  The dance began.

  The skunk was kind of adorable, stamping his clawed feet. But when he started hopping backward, all cuteness melted away. I took three steps back.